Parts-n-Pieces

A Study in Venn Diagrams (or, why I'm not blogging)

The lack of blog activity is pretty simple, really.  I got nothin'.  Just nothin'.  The dissertation is taking all my energy and focus.  I'm on "vacation" from my job for a few weeks (this is a good thing) and I felt my energy and creativity returning being away from that daily grind, but the diss sucks those positive energies right up (I feel that I have to finish the dissertation in these three weeks, and you know, it's not gonna happen that fast).  OK, the diss is taking a lot of my energy and focus, but there are a few other things keeping me from writing in this space.  I'm missing my daughter like crazy.  I'm thinking about the upcoming job search, my current job, what I want for (and from) my life, and I'm stressing.  All that stress takes energy, too. 

This photo depicts my life at the moment.  All the yellow/orange circles (Christmas lights, by the way) represent areas of the dissertation I'm thinking about, writing on, researching, my daughter, my job.  The black area is just about everything else in my life.   It all overlaps.  But I'm blaming my lack of writing on the dissertation.

 

Photo is much cooler in a larger size.

 

I plan to do a few things to take care of myself while I'm on "vacation":

• A massage next week (before I go back to work).
• A few more minor-league baseball games.
• A photo excursion on Saturday (a day trip somewhere).
• A few afternoons at the pool.
• A visit from the Bundle the last weekend of July.  :-)

Writing a Dissertation (old skool)

How I spent part of my afternoon, writing the literature review for the dissertation ... oldskool style.

Chapter Word Clouds (Wordle Image)

Krista and Collin wrote about Wordle last week, but I'm just now getting back to the dissertation.  So, my case study chapter in a word cloud:

Click image to embiggen.

I do like this type of "seeing" of the dissertation work.  My point in this dissertation is students and their writing; the fact that the students are student-athletes is important, but it's not the primary focus of the work.

Ok, a few more below the jump.

 

Perceptions of Student Athletes (I can't be the only one seeing the positive)

Edited to add:  After seeing some very good presentations from my intermediate writing students this morning, I walked back to my office.  Along the way back, I stumbled upon a conversation where one faculty member explained student-athlete behavior to another faculty member.  "Those students," this person said, "behave as they do because they are all raised in really bad homes.  They don't know any better.  They only know how to make bad decisions."

I simultaneously wanted to cry, to slap this person silly, to say something-- anything-- to set this person straight.  But I couldn't.  With this person, the ideas are engrained.  Nothing I would say would make a difference.  Sadly, I could only walk away.

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It's no secret that I appreciate student-athletes -- as young people (not only as basketball players or football players or whatever sport they happen to play), but as men and women who are becoming something at the university.  They are athletes-- very, very good athletes-- but they are also young and silly and sometimes really immature.  That's what I like about them.  I get to see them develop into mature people.  And they do.  They mature, they change, they grow up.  It's wonderful to watch, and I appreciate that process so much.

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I am equally as unappreciative of the comments I hear daily-- yes, daily-- from other faculty members, from staff members, even from random citizens about how "those" men are hoodlums and how they were reared in bad homes and how they make bad decisions and how they cheat and how they lie and ....  the list goes on and on.  I have to walk away from these conversations believing these people-- the vast majority of people who happen to be around me-- are idiots ... or they are racists ... or both.

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A week or so ago, Chris had a post on his blog about the perceptions people have of student-athletes, about wishing he'd written down all that he'd heard people say about these students.  I sometimes wish the same, that I had recorded all that I've heard about student-athletes, but almost all I ever hear are the negative comments.  I can't stand to hear any more -- much less read about them again.  Chris's experiences are very different from mine, so I appreciate how he hears the positive.  I wish I lived in a place that had good things to say about student-athletes.  I can't be the lone voice.  Or maybe I am.  At least in this part of the country.

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Today my intermediate writing class presented their final projects; each student produced a mini-documentary film based on an essay he or she had written earlier in the semester.  With this project, the students constructed a rhetorical revision.  They constructed the five-minute film, but they also wrote an essay that accompanies the film.  I am so pleased with what they produced.  They took care constructing their films, and they were able to achieve their purpose . . . using film as a method of argument.  If you are interested in the majority of projects, check the link (or see the Pages tab in the right gutter and click on the "Student Projects" link).  I have used their work here with permission, but it won't be up for long as the work belongs to them.  I'm just bragging on 'em.

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But the title of this post:  perceptions of student athletes.  The class that produced these mini-documentaries had a significant number of student-athletes enrolled.  I enjoy these students and what they bring, and subsequently, I tend to have a lot of student-athletes in my classes.  The clip below is produced by a student-athlete in a revenue-producing sport.*  For me to see where he started-- as a first-year student in the ICW course-- and to see where he is now, how he does the work that's required of him and how really takes the work seriously, I couldn't be more pleased.  I'm pleased that he does this work, but I'm pleased how he's grown into a mature and centered young man.  I truly desire that others could see these students as I do.  But they don't, or many of them do not.  Since they don't typically see the positive experiences that student-athletes bring to a teaching/learning encounter, they don't typically see the student's work as worthwhile.

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But the student who produced this film:  Someday when he's famous, I'll be able to say, "I knew him when."  But most nprobably, when he's not famous and he's working a job somewhere and he's supporting his family and paying his taxes and doing all those things the rest of us do, I'll be able to say, "I knew him when."

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.* He has given permission that I post his video here.

Scary (Dissertation) Bootcamp Pictures

I don't typically look at the site meter that's attached to the Dissertation Bootcamp Blog  . . . who's got the time?  But I did recently, and I find that the search terms to get there can be quite amusing.  The funniest of late?  "Scary bootcamp pictures."

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I wonder what that might look like for those of us bootcampers? 

• A photo of someone in the grad carrels, crying and gnashing her teeth over her books (or the books she can't get through Interlibrary Loan)?
• A photo of someone screaming in horror at her adviser's red pen comments on her dissertation?
• A photo of someone wasting away to nothing as he types and types and types while muttering, "i must finish. . . i must . . . fin...."  Then he passes out from exhaustion.
• A photo of someone at his diss defense, as he begins to answer the last question and having to stop mid-sentence . . . the financial aid director comes in and says, "There's been a mistake.  None of your financial aid these 10 years was valid.  You owe the university $183,735 ... payable before you can finish this defense."

What would be a scary bootcamp photo for you?

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Cross-posted at Dissertation Bootcamp.

It's what we might want for them all, student-athlete success

I bump into him from time to time, the young man who was in my first-year composition course oh-so-long ago.  He always hugs me.  He always asks about my classes and about my daughter.  He always answers questions with a "yes, ma'am" or a "no ma'am."  He smiles.  He looks me directly in the eyes.  We talk and laugh when we meet.   He's young, articulate, smart, focused.  His path hasn't been easy, but he stayed on track-- stayed on the path, so to speak-- and he he was able to successfully juggle being a student and an athlete playing a revenue-producing sport at a Division I-A institution.  He is the example, he is what we'd want for all the students who choose that path, to be successful at both academics and athletics.

He graduated from the university with a bachelor's degree, and he will soon graduate with his master's degree in education administration.  He has opportunities (interviews? practice practices?) with two professional football teams.  He'll likely be selected in the upcoming football draft.  He's been offered a job in the private sector making $100,000 a year.  He thinks he wants to be a high school football coach as he's thoroughly enjoyed, he says, his time coaching children in peewee football.  He has earned these two degrees, volunteered in his community, and played (as a four-year starter) Division I-A football.  He has done all these things in five years.

In our conversation today, he noted that he realizes he's the exception for most student-athletes who play football.  (Or at least the ones that we know.)  Most of his peers (in this institution and in others) do not always finish their degrees and if they do, they might not have marketable skills.  Very few move on to professional careers or to graduate school and even fewer move on to professional athletic careers.  He's the exception.

I told him that his success was due to the first-year comp course he took with me oh-so-long ago.  He laughed and said, "yes, ma'am, that was it.  You put me on that right path."

We both got the joke . . . first-year composition had nothing to do with his overall success as a student-athlete.  I had nothing to do with this overall success as a student-athlete.  However, we have a casual relationship that has lasted the entire time he's been a student at this institution.  It's those relationships-- those connections students can make with those outside of the athletic world that will help them succeed in a world apart from sports.

And he's the example.  He's the example I would want for all the student-athletes who have crossed my path these years.  I would want them all to be as successful, as focused, as articulate, as smart. 

I'm Looking for Elvis (looking for some inspiration)

If I had the time or energy to write, I'd be writing about a number of things that are important.

• I'd write about anarchy and I'd try to answer the question, "when did college students stop wanting to challenge 'the man'"?  So many seem so apathetic.  I don't mean that as a criticism.  It's just a statement.

• I'd write about New Media and underprepared writers.  I have two students this semester in a sophomore comp class who took the ICW course with me a few years ago, and as a class we are about to embark on documentary film making (with Windows Movie Maker).  They told me today how excited they are to do the work . . . man, they rock (my soul) . . . . I just love seeing them mature and change over a few years' time . . . and to be excited about writing and creating.

• I'd write about my need to find Guy Fawks masks when in New Orleans next week.  The students in my graphic novel seminars asked for them since we just finished reading V for Vendetta.  I'm certain I can find something to bring them. . . . some trinket, a mask trinket.

• I'd write about the Asian student I had in the same ICW class two years ago who came to see me today to tell me how her car caught on fire.  Apparently, someone tried to break into the car next to hers and to cover that crime, this person set that car on fire.   Since her car was parked next to the torched car, her car caught fire, too.  Fire by association.  What do you say to that?  "Gee, I'm so sorry" doesn't seem quite enough.   She had insurance and will get a good amount of money for her car, but still.

• I'd write about all the people in this profession who are having babies . . . which is wonderful.  I love babies.  But it bums me out in a whole bunch of different ways that my baby has committed to a graduate school and and will be moving out of state this summer.  (Yes. I'm that old.  I don't admit it. I don't act it.  I don't think I look it.  But still.  I am.  And that's a drag, too.)

• I'd write about how my path through graduate school has been, in one way, really great.  I learned a lot from some pretty amazing people.  On the other, it's been the suckiest experience one might have in grad school.  The dept. fell apart.  Everyone I studied under left the institution.  I had to reform a committee a couple of times.  I've worked full time the entire time I've been in a Ph.D. program.  I've watched dozens of people enter and leave programs while I have felt stuck, stymied.  Everything is fine now.  Now.  I know it's not a race to see who finishes first their degrees first, but still.   

• I'd write about the song that's been playing on the iPod dock the last hour (over and over and over), as it about hits the mood tonight:

I'm just looking for some inspiration
I'm looking for something to rock my soul
I'm looking for a brand new destination
I'm looking for Elvis down a Memphis road
I'm looking for Elvis

"I'm Looking for Elvis," Patti Scialfa (lyrics below the jump)

Hitting the "Send" Key

I finished it.  The case study chapter.   Mostly.  But I sent it off, and hitting that "send" key is the best feeling I've had in a very long time.  Now.  I can move on to other parts of the dissertation.

It feels good to have something so huge done.  Or almost done.

I feel accomplished. 

And tired.

But happy.

And at least for today, I kicked ass.

Writing a Dissertation: Induced Haze Edition

Random Things:

• My fingers are numb and my arms are tired from typing all day.
• My case study chapter is almost done . . . a little fine tuning tomorrow.  I have read entire dissertations that are shorter than this one chapter of mine.  This chapter?  23,986 words so far.  That's 105 pages.  One chapter.(*) 
• I liked the case study subjects when they were students.  As case study subjects?  I'm tired of them and I want them to go away.  (today anyway)
• My jaws are sore and tired (from clenching while I type).
• I'm tired.

Good Things:

• I'm feeling like a writer.  It's hard work, but I'm diggin' it.
• I'm also digging my new cell phone, a Treo 755p.  It is a phone, an mp3 player, a camera, a PDA, a voice recorder, it has GPS, and it can access the Internet.  But can it write a dissertation?  We'll see.  The good thing?  My bag just got about 12 pounds lighter.
• As kitschy as it was, I enjoyed the Tom Jones show.    I'm still a bit creeped out by the throwing of panties, but all-in-all it was fun.
• While in Oklahoma and at the casino with my sister, I was reluctant to gamble.  I never win.  Ever.  I won $150 on a quarter machine.
• I believe in the universe "speaking" to me.  Today alone I heard three messages that confirm a decision I made yesterday. 
• I have nothing to fear about this decision.  I'm strong and fearless and resilient.  I am really.  I just forget that . . . and I've let others convince me that I am less than I believe.  No more.
• I love office supply stores.  These are my favorite new toys tools: a combined highlighter and post-it flag.  So smart.

Dissertation Writing Tunes (Sunday Random 10)

• "Why," Tracy Chapman
• "Benediction," Susan Ashton
• "Yesterday's Child," Patti Scialfa
• "Because the Night," Patti Smith
• "Trinity," Santana
• "Freedom," Amos Lee
• "Incident on 57th Street," Bruce Springsteen
• "Maybe Sparrow," Neko Case
• "Where Did My Baby Go?" John Legend
• "Jonas & Ezekiel," Indigo Girls

(*) Chris, are you sure you want to read this?  It might take you weeks, months, years?

A Little Incentive?

This term, I spend Wednesday dissertating.  No teaching.  No tutoring.  No telephone calls.  No television.  No nothing.  Just the computer, my notes, some coffee, and a dog sleeping on my feet.  So far today, I've written (edited) for about two hours.  I'm already a little tired, and it's only 10:45 in the morning. 

So.  I've devised a plan for myself.  A little incentive.  I will work until 3:00 p.m. -- work consistently without getting sidetracked by other things (after this, the Internet goes off).  At 3:00 . . . if I have been consistent . . . I will take myself either to the Japanese gardens or to the zoo, so I can take some pictures (half priced Wednesdays!).  I'll also take myself to Panera for a soup bowl.  Yum!  I'll take a draft copy of a chapter with me so while I'm gobbling up some soup, I can do some sentence-level editing. 

The image below shows that I was successful.  I wrote a lot today, and it felt really good to get so much done.  The pic?  It's a special pic ... for a kind friend.  Other pics are on Flickr.  Another favorite shot of the day is on the 365(+1) blog.

Cross posted at Dissertation Boot Camp.

A Moment of Dissertation Frustration (aka Whinefest)

I've been writing at my second case study for about six weeks, maybe longer.  It seems like longer.  And I can't seem to move forward, really at all . . . I'm stuck in the midst of issues that are so large and so complex that I can't seem get out and focus on the one thing that I need to focus on:  student writing.

Overall, I'm writing about specific student-athletes in revenue-producing sports.  With this case study subject, however, I'm having a very hard time separating HIM from all the NOISE around him.  I need to focus on his writing, yet issues of athletics (and he was a "star" of sorts), race, and gender factor into it all.  Not only those issues-- which in and of themselves can be written around-- but there are academic preparedness issues that make this writing difficult, there are socialization issues, basic writing (debates within and outside the classroom), and this was the year of my research that the whole class had behavioral issues.  Intense and serious behavioral issues. 

This particular student/subject in the 2nd case study represents the second year of my research study, and this was the year of dealing with grown men who behaved as children in so many ways, really muscular and tall and heavy children (some of them with sociopathic tendencies)-- there was a grad student observing the class (and observing me) for his thesis, there were a lot of university stakeholders observing this course from around campus and that weighed on me (as they all had something to say about how I did my job) . . . .  In some ways, these issues do not pertain to the student/subject at all, but in many more ways, they do.  I just keep getting sucked into all these other issues and I'm not easily able to focus on the students' writing.

Maybe I've just having difficulty separating **my** emotional investment in the course as both a teacher and as a researcher from the one thing that I need to write about:  how the student's writing changed throughout the year and how this course (my pedagogy) affected that transformation.  So, my plan is to move to another chapter -- just work on something else -- and let the dust and the noise settle around this case study.

Yesterday, I sent the case study to a friend of mine who is an educational psychologist and she's done tons of case studies.  She said she'd look at it and get back with me Monday about where I'm getting stalled.  She might be able to offer some insight.  I truly hope so.  I think it's probably too late to change my dissertation topic.

Cross-posted:  Dissertation Boot Camp

Don't be a Practice Player #2

I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, and I either need to step off or step back.  I can't continue standing on the ledge any more.

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Over the past several months I've been fighting/wrestling the issue of race in both the dissertation and in myself.   For a whole list of reasons, reasons I've written about before, this wrestling has been very, very difficult, paralyzing almost.  Meagan and I have been having a conversation the past few days, and she sent me this quotation from Amy Goodburn's essay, "Racing (Erasing) White Privilege in Teacher/Research Writing About Race."  The context of the essay is work she did on her own dissertation.

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As a writer, I felt almost paralyzed by describing students in terms of social categories of difference, in part because so much of my dissertation was focused on questioning how these categories are used, how students and teachers view them with respect to pedagogy, and the problematics involved in such representation.  I was highly conscious of the ways that my own descriptions or labels for students' social positions might reify or perpetuate some of the issues that the chapter itself was intended to problematize. (75-76)

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This quotation sums it up for me.  Almost.  Suddenly, and it shouldn't be sudden at all, I'm aware of my race.  Except for the years I lived in Japan, I never really thought about my race, my skin color.  In Japan, however, I was keenly aware that I was in the minority, and that others defined me by my skin.  Yet in this country, as part of the majority, I haven't much considered it.   Shame on me. 

As Meagan noted in an email, there is not much conversation in academia about these issues, the issues of race, diversity, inclusion, exclusion, majority, minority.  Now don't get me wrong.  We talk about these issues all the time, but we don't do much about those issues.   (I'm having a lot of problems with that pronoun.)  But let's talk.  I need to articulate these complicated issues, and I'm sure I'm not alone.  Let's talk.

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Don't Be a Practice Player

This is my new mantra:  "Don't be a practice player." 

There are things I must write, but I don't want to  . . .  they are difficult and personal and touchy and people will be angered.  I don't want to, but I need to.  I don't want to be a practice player.

More later..

..

The entire quotation come from an exchange here:  "SUCK IT UP!," he said, "don't be a practice player! There's gonna be people in the stands when we turn that clock on. You're gonna have to play in front of them. Get used to it!!!"   

Serendipity #2

On Saturday, I was minding my own business in Starbucks.  It was very cold outside, and the place was busy, but not many people were staying.  They got their coffee and left.  So I had the "good" table, the big one near the electrical outlet.  My laptop was open, my draft chapter on the table with some notecards, highlighters, and a few pencils.  I was working-- or trying to.

A woman at the next table kept learning over and asking questions.  I didn't want to be rude, as I'm in this 'bucks all the time.  So I answered her questions, politely but without a lot of elaboration. 

• How do you access the Internet here?
• What kind of laptop do you have?
• How much did it cost?
• How do you drink cold drinks on a day like this?
• What are you working on?

It's the last question that got me, and it got me good.  When I told the woman, Myrtle (her real name), that I was working on my dissertation, she asked me about the subject. 

"I'm writing about the institutional responsibilities to underprepared student athletes in NCAA-ranked Division I-A schools," I told her.  (I use this default diss description as it's easy-- not completely accurate, but easy-- and I don't have to explain too much.)

She just looked at me.

"Oh, who is in your lit review that provides you [a white woman] with the cultural background you need to understand African-American men?" she asked. 

Literacy History (Part #2)

"18 schools in 8 years across 5 states: Or, how I became adept at reading culture and books."

My formal education began in Carson City, Nevada, when I started the first grade (I didn't attend kindergarten), and in this one location, I attended several different schools.  My education continued in San Jose (twice), Albuquerque, Fort Worth (several locations) in several parts of town, Las Vegas, San Francisco . . . maybe even other places.  I don't remember.  By the time I was in the 8th grade, I'd attended 18 schools, and we finally settled in Kennedale, Texas (south of Fort Worth), but even then, we made another trip to California when I was in the 10th grade . . . just to return to Kennedale a few months later.

We always lived in working-class neighborhoods . . . or in trailer parks . . . and we lived around people who were as transient as we were.

Because we moved so often (averaged three times a year), we had little materially -- as these things were expensive to own, to move.   My parents rarely read the newspaper and they didn't read books.  We traveled light.   My mother read fan magazines (movie star magazines) and National Enquirer-type weekly papers, those papers one could find at the grocery store.  I don't remember ever seeing my father read.  But I read all the time.  I found the library.  I couldn't own the books, but I could read them.  I learned to love the smell of a library.  All those books.  All those things to know.

InaDWriMo 2007 (a bust?)

International Dissertation Writing Month has been a bust . . .for me, at least.  I won't make excuses, and I won't tell myself how badly I suck.  I just wasn't able to keep up with it.  I opened my latest chapter a few moments ago to do some work, and I noted that it's been 12 days since I've opened that file.  (I have a watermark date on the each version of each chapter and I save each version with the file name and date, e.g. Chapter 4 Dante 111107.  Yea, I'm afraid of losing files.)  Anyway, here I sit in Starbucks and I haven't written in 12 days.  But I've thought about the work, I've talked to people about the work, and I've read work that will inform my work.  So I don't suck.  I just haven't been writing.

But today.  I will today.

Literacy History (Part #1)

In thinking and writing about literacy and literacy practices, how literacy shapes the lives of students I currently teach and those I hope to teach, I'm reflecting on my own literacy history and how this history makes me the woman I am, the teacher I am, the scholar I am.  I have an educational background-- a literacy background-- unlike most people who are in the same profession.  It's complicated and rich.  Difficult even.

Over the next few days/weeks, I will produce a few literacy autobiographical essays that will enable me to contextualize my teaching and learning practices.  I'm embarking on this short tangent from the dissertation because this is important to the dissertation.  I've been reading Patrick Finn's Literacy with an Attitude: Educating Working-Class Children in Their Own Self-Interest, and this reading has raised questions about how my current literacy practices are connected to my working-class history.

Dissertation Procrastination

I'm procrastinating, and I know it.  The dissertation needs to go in a direction I hadn't anticipated, and I know that, too.  But I don't want to fight it today.  However, I must.  So what do I do?  Anything but what needs to be done.

• Redid my blog template.  Like it?  I like the four-column design.  I'm still able to show photos, the fonts on the posts are bigger (for me, that's really important), and the links are easier to read.  Good thing all around.

• Refereed soccer this morning-- end of season tournament-- and it was fun . . . beautiful day, cool and bright this morning.  The center referee flirted a bit . . . that was nice, too (someone my age!). 

• Opened all the windows in the house . . . very nice.  It's 80 degrees and it's mid-November. 

• Saw a friend at the 'bucks this morning after soccer.  We talked about dissertation writing.

• Started laundry.

• Cleaned the kitchen.

• Checked email about 25 times.

• Played on Facebook some (what a time suck it is, but it is so much stupid fun).  I'm burying this little tidbit down here, but I think I have an online stalker and it's kind of creeping me out.  Someone I've never met (but know of) is sending me lewd messages.  Hmmmm.  What would be the "professional" response to such a thing (and it would, indeed, need to be a professional response)?

• Speaking of Facebook . . . a few of my students have "friended" me, and that's fine, but do they not realize that now that I'm their "friend," I can see what they write on their walls?  If they are going to write about me, don't you think they'd realize that I'd see it?  Just sayin' . . . .

• Attending a football game tonight that I really don't want to attend, but it's the last home game, senior night, and some of those seniors were mine as first-year students.  I want to honor their achievement, so I will be there.  I won't stay for the whole game, but I will be there for the first half at least.

• Speaking of student athletes (and I was), this university is having registration for the spring semester right now, and I checked rosters the other day, and in the sophomore composition class I'm teaching next term, I have four former ICW students registered so far.  I love it when they come back . . . they are so different, more mature, more ready to do the work required of them.  I love being able to see that growth.

• Taking a nap.  Suddenly I'm so sleepy.  I think I'll go curl up under a blanket on the couch and sleep a bit.  The dog, of course, will be sleeping on me, on my waist.  Happens every time.

OK, I will rest a bit, and then I'll start to work on the dissertation . . . . and I'll work on that until it's time to go to the football game.  I'm certain to get so much done today.  (Can you hear the sarcasm in my voice?) 

Music to Dissertate by #2

It's midnight, and I got nothing (not a single thing dissertation-related) done today.  So, music plans for Sunday . . . so I can get some work done (and I'll be stuck in some weird time warp when I do it):

1. "Wild Nights," Van Morrison
2. "Roll Me Away," Bob Seger
3. "I'll Fly Away," Jars of Clay
4. "I Missed the Point," Neko Case
5. "The Fever," Bruced Springsteen (Live in Dublin edition)
6. "Don't Hang Up," 10CC (I **love** this song)
7. "I Dig Love," George Harrison
8. "Queen of the Slipstream," Van Morrison
9. "Till I Hear it from You," Gin Blossoms
10. "Domino," Van Morrison
11. "Walking Through Midnight," Southside Johnny
12. "Abie Baby," Hair (Original Cast Soundtrack)
13. "Breath Away from Heaven," George Harrison
14. "Since U Been Gone," Kelly Clarkson
15. "Incident on 57th Street," Bruce Springsteen
16. "Welcome to the Occupation," R.E.M.
17. "Looking for Elvis," Patti Scialfa
18. "Shout Out Loud," Amos Lee (thanks, Chris, I'm digging this)
19. "Lost in Space," Aimee Mann
20. "Listening to Levon," Marc Cohn

The Art of the Work-Around

My friend called it the "work around," when things don't work as planned and you figure out a way around the difficulty.  I had a "work around" moment just a while ago.

The technology folks on my campus replace employee and lab computer systems every 3 or 4 years.  When they do so, employees have an option of buying the older models for home use (for not a whole lotta $$$).  Last summer, after our computer lab was upgraded, I bought one of the lab computers, and I bought a few extra flat screen monitors (so I could have dual-monitor set up at home and at work).   At the time I didn't quite know what I'd do with a desktop computer as I have a laptop that is fast and full of things I really like, and the second flat-screen monitor that made the whole system pretty damn sweet.  Anyway, I bought a desktop system, and it's been sitting under my desk since August.

Until tonight.

Tonight I got it out, dusted it off, plugged it in and installed Microsoft Word.  I then played and stretched and prodded that broken hard drive.  (I think it's a cable problem.)  I got it to work long enough to back up my dissertation work and my EndNote files.  I opened those files (Word files) and made sure they were actually there and that they could open.  They were and they did.

Thank G*d I don't have to retype all that work.

The external drive lasted long enough to copy over those massively files to the desktop hard drive.  The music files are already backed up on my network drive at work (huge amount of space), and most of the pictures and a bunch of random (but important) files were backed up to the network drive in October.    So, I don't think I lost too much data.

I can't begin to explain how thankful I am, grateful even, that this work was saved.

Oh, God of all that's Holy and Righteous about External Hard Drives . . .

I scold students all. the. time. about not backing up their data.  But do I listen to my own admonitions?  Yes, but not often enough it seems. 

My external hard drive-- the 80g drive that I use to hold and secure all things holy and righteous about my dissertation (and photographs and music)-- has died.  I think.  I can't get it to work on any number of computers.  I don't know if it's the drive, the cable, or what.  It just isn't working.  I'm trying (really hard) not to panic at the potential loss of 60g of information.  But I have hard copies of almost everything . . . I backed up the drive in early October (yea, a month ago), so I'm not completely screwed.  But still.  It's a lot of information to lose and to reconstruct.  The computer technicians on campus say that can **probably** save my data, but they won't know until tomorrow when they come over to look at the situation.  Tomorrow. 

Can you help?  Oh, thanks for asking, you kind Internet folks.  Yes, say some prayers to the God of all that's righteous and holy about external hard drives and/or dissertation drafts.  Or, if you have any suggestions about how to get this blasted thing to work so I can copy (back up) all the info . . . that would be nice, too.

Dissertation Blurbs

Jason, at JK, post something yesterday about dissertation blurbs. . . . you know, those shortened versions of the dissertation, that are constructed for different audiences in different social (or networking) situations.  I haven't done this yet.  Not in any constructive way.  And I need to.  What he (and others) suggest a dissertation writer have:

• the longer conversation version . . . ways to outline the project over, say, a 15-20 minute conversation.
• a shorter version, 3-5 minutes, what some call the "elevator" speech.
• something that is the length of about 3 sentences (if that).

What I have now-- well, it's still evolving as the dissertation evolves.  At this point, I'm unsure whether to focus my statements on the work (the ethnographic research) or on the analysis and findings (which I haven't yet written but have a good sense of what they will be). 

When people ask, I tell them:  "I'm writing a dissertation about the institutional responsibility to underprepared student-athletes at Division I-A schools."  Well, I am.  Sort of.   The project started out as this, but in the past 8-10 months, it's been refined and focused and is not nearly as broad.    That sentence, though, typically gets me off the hook talking about the project.  Folks hear "student-athletes" and "division I-A" and "institutional responsibility" in the same sentence, well, they have something to tell me.

So I listen.  And wonder how to focus my blurb to what the dissertation actually covers.

Needed: Dissertation Cheerleaders

InaDWriMo begins tomorrow, November 1st, and I'm thinking cheerleaders for this event would be nice.  Dissertation writing is a sport, no?  It takes determination and skill . . . it is a competition of sorts, against the self, but still.  I can just see it:

---

"Two, four, six, eight,

Who do we appreciate?

Billie -- Billie -- Yea, Billie!"

---

==Cue the gymnastics==
(back flips, standing back tucks, herkies, pyramids)


==Cue the shirtless 12-man crew==
(that has d-i-s-s-e-r-t-a-t-i-o-n spelled across their chests)

---

Ok, I think big.   I will have a sticky post on the blog that will keep a tally of my word count . . . My goal is 20,000 words for the month of November.  These words will be my remaining case study and my literature review.  Now, once again, this writing won't be pretty, but it will be words on the page that can be revised and edited.  Getting them on the page is the hard part. 

Many more people are undertaking this writing marathon this month.  Let's cheer for all those souls struggling to finish!  For a complete listing of who is involved, Click Here.   Any cheers through the month would be so very appreciated . . .  pom-poms are optional.

InaDWriMo 2007

Get your own Writertopia meter here.

Music to Dissertate By #1

Dissertating is so tough a job, it needs a sountrack.  Here is the first list of several to come -- music to dissertate by.  These songs were on the iPod this afternoon.    Any other recommendations?(*)

1. "I am Somebody" by Santana feat. Will.i.am
2. "Here Come Those Tears Again," Jackson Browne
3. "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp," Three 6 Mafia
4. "I've Got a Feeling," The Beatles
5. "Real Bad News," Aimee Mann
6. "Looking for Clues," Robert Palmer
7. "The Word," Patti Scialfa
8. "Hold On," Sarah McLachlan
9. "I Will be Strong," "Southside Johnny
10. "Bullshit Maze," Jennifer O'Connor
11. "Jesus Freak," DC Talk
12. "(I've Got to) Stop Thinkin' 'bout That," James Taylor
13. "Cum on Feel the Noize," Slade
14. "Bring Me Some Water," Melissa Ethridge
15. "I'm Feeling You," Santana with Michelle Branch
16. "New York City Serenade," Springsteen
17. "Prove it all Night," Springsteen (live version)
18. "Fruits of my Labor," Lucinda Williams
19. "Radio Nowhere," Springsteen
20. "God be Merciful to Me," Jars of Clay

(*)  I can't take credit for this . . I'm just borrowing and modifying.  A sweet friend is constructing his own list . . . but I won't out him here. 

Writing with Racial "Sensitivity"

Writing about race, for me, is very very difficult, and this issue arose in comments yesterday to this post.  Let me explain.  (Oh, and this post could very easily self-destruct before too long.  Read quickly if you want to know more.)

[oops . . . it's gone now]

Dissertation Notes (challenging authority)

I have written quite a bit in the dissertation so far about the "showdown" (Kunjufu) that can occur between African-American male students and middle-class (white) female teachers, that this behavior is indicative of a young man trying to establish boundaries for himself (and for the teacher), and that the young person really wants the teacher to win the battle . . . he (in this case) wants to see strength and determination of conviction from this teacher, not fear and doubt.  But what I neglected to remember about this behavior is that challenging authority . . . no matter the race or the gender . . . is an important part of a young person's cognitive and behavioral development.

Sure, by the time a student is in college, he or she should be able to control outbursts of just about any kind-- and there is no need for this type of showdown.  However, given the student population I am studying, the dissenting behavior really does make sense when placed in the light of these developmental processes.

Question for the Internets: "Track Jumping"

Please help, oh, Internets.  What is "track jumping," and why would one go to jail for it?   All I do know is that his has nothing to do with Track and Field (hurdles).  Can you help?

Dissertation (random thoughts)

Now that I've written this post, a quick caveat:  it's all about stream-of-consciousness today.

It's been a hard week concerning dissertation writing.  Since I sent a chapter to my advisor and a different chapter (portion) to two friends, I've not known what to do with myself.  I'm just waiting on feedback and I haven't known what focus on until that feedback arrives.  (Not to rush anyone . . . I don't mean that at all.)  But I've been directionless, I feel.   

So today-- to regroup and refocus-- I went to the 'bucks with the 200+ pages of notes and jottings I've collected.  I reread them all, and I surprised myself at how good some of it was.

Begin digression:

When I lived in Japan-- and since I lived there as long as I did-- I did assimilate into the culture quite a bit.  At the time (and probably still), there was a cultural idea that one never praises oneself, or one's family or friends, or even one's coworkers, for that matter.   One is to assume a posture of deep humility, that the other person (or any other person) is better, of more value.   In a large group of people, to people "outside" the family, my husband would mention how unattractive I was, or how I couldn't learn the language . . .  Hurtful things to me, but culturally common (and expected) phrases.  No one believes (or believed) the (false) humility, but it's an action one must go through in order to be a part of that culture.   Anyway, after all this time, it's still hard for me to publicly state that I do good work.

:End digression

RBOC: Dissertation Anxiety

I'm having racing thoughts . . . not always a good sign (for me), but there you go.  Stress and anxiety induced.

• It's called a headache.
• I'm sitting at my desk at home . . . looking at a binder of over 200 pages of just random notes and crap collected over the past 18 months (all dissertation related), and I don't know what to do with it all.  So I do nothing.  But look at it.  Open it up.  Look a little more.  Close it.  Scream.
• I didn't work out today and I probably should have (pulled muscle and all) because the physical exertion really did alleviate some of the stress and anxiety.
• I refereed on Sunday with a teenager who stated loudly and clearly -- in front of the soccer players who happened to be 12-year old girls -- that he HATED refereeing girls' games.  I wanted to smack him.*

13th Carnival of Gradual Progress

The Gradual Carnival is back and is posted at lines ever more clear.  Check it out; it's great . . .  and it's great to have it back.

Dissertation: Version #872

Writing is all about revision, and I've always known this . . .or I've known it for as long as I've been writing seriously.  Usually, nothing too terribly interesting comes from my fingertips when I type write quickly.  I have to write something crappy, then I can revise it to something that others might wish to read.  That's just my process.  It's really no different with the dissertation.  In fact, it's probably more intense.   I think I'm done with a chapter.  I print it out and admire how it looks on the white, crisp page.  I thumb through it feeling quite proud of my work.  Then I notice a typo, then another, then an argument that isn't as fully formed as it needs to be, then I see a place where what some famous theorist once said would fit perfectly . . . then before I know it, I have this:

Dissertation: Version #872, originally uploaded by PartsnPieces. [click to embiggen]

Yes, eventually I'll be done . . . but in the meantime, I keep adding, subtracting, correcting, revising, marking, scribbling, annotating, thinking through one more time. It'll come. It will. I'm sure of it.

Cross-posted at Project 365.

Dissertation Update

The dissertation is coming along.  I've written something everyday for the last three months . . . everyday I put something on paper.  That's what I'm finding to be necessary (for me) to get this work done.  I have to do something everyday.  Everyday. A lot of what I'm putting on paper is drafty, but it's still on the page.  That's important right now.  Yesterday, I printed out all that I have completed so far . . . even if it's really drafty.  It's a lot of paper.

Dissertation outline:

• Chapter 1:  Introduction  (maybe 20% complete)
• Chapter 2:  Literature Review
• Chapter 3:  Methodology (90% complete)
• Chapter 4:  Case Studies (three case studies: "D'Ante," 90%; "Sean," 50%; "Eric," 30%)
• Chapter 5:  Alternative Programs/Pedagogies (maybe 10% complete)
• Chapter 6:  Findings and Analysis
• Chapter 7:  Conclusion
• Appendices  (I have been gathering materials all along)
• Works Cited (Using EndNote makes this fairly easy, as a reference page prints with each chapter)

That probably looks like more than it actually is;  I don't feel that I've gotten very far at all . . . as I keep tweaking the things that should be fairly complete.  I just need to let go of them and move on to other parts of the work.  But I keep findings ways to make the argument stronger . . . but then, sometimes I don't know that I'm even making an argument.  I'm just writing a bunch o'crap.  But my plan is to complete the methodology chapter tomorrow (Sunday).  Then, I'll complete (finally) the first case study . . . as it sets up the other two studies.  Then I can move onto the Alternative Programs and Pedagogies chapter . . . which will be (I think) the best section of the whole work.  But I will not move to anything new until I have these other things finished.

OK, onward!

Wrestling that (Dissertation) Alligator

Today, that alligator is winning.  I wonder, though, just how much I am letting it win.

♦

Met with advisor this afternoon, and we talked about the directions this dissertation is trying to take.  Unlike a lot of dissertations I've read (and dissertations the advisor has directed)--those in the form of five discreet chapters about a single subject-- mine is not like that.  It's unwieldy and messy.  It's a humanities dissertation with social science elements; it's a hybrid dissertation.  And I don't know how to make it conform to that "dissertation standard" of five chapters about a single subject (not that I want to, mind you, it would just easier [I think]).  He said that I don't need to force this work into a form it's not meant to take (bless him for that!), but this project seems to be much more complicated than others I've seen.  There is more than one subject, and that complicates things.  I don't want complicated.  I want eas(ier), and I want it over.  Sort of.  I sort of want it over.  I like this process of constructing something new (and potentially valuable), but I don't always want the struggle.  I want a formula to follow (but I really don't).  I want someone to tell me what steps to take to get it over with (but I really don't).

It's the Annual Good-Will Fest

Yesterday, the university football program invited specific faculty and staff to lunch.  It was the annual good-will fest.  The coaches and operation managers offered us food, autographed media guides, magnets, and posters . . . and what do we give them in return (and what do they expect)? Good will.  That "good will" can become troubling, and that “good will” can be expensive, maybe worth more than the cost of a few magnets and a hamburger.

It’s expensive, however, unless you know how to play the game.  Interestingly enough, I noted yesterday, the players of Division I-A football are not just those 125 men wearing shoulder pads and helmets.  Those players include the rest of us.  We don’t have pads, though; we have media guides and posters.  Cynicism has tackled me.

Last year when I wrote about this luncheon, I wondered about the faculty who attend these events, if these are the faculty who help student-athletes a little more than the students deserve, or if the faculty who attend the luncheons really believe in the potential of the students.  A year of perspective and a year of writing a dissertation about the teaching of student-athletes has jaded my perception just a wee bit.  It’s clear to me today that both groups of faculty exist and they exist with full knowledge of the other.