RBOC: Dissertation Anxiety

I'm having racing thoughts . . . not always a good sign (for me), but there you go.  Stress and anxiety induced.

• It's called a headache.
• I'm sitting at my desk at home . . . looking at a binder of over 200 pages of just random notes and crap collected over the past 18 months (all dissertation related), and I don't know what to do with it all.  So I do nothing.  But look at it.  Open it up.  Look a little more.  Close it.  Scream.
• I didn't work out today and I probably should have (pulled muscle and all) because the physical exertion really did alleviate some of the stress and anxiety.
• I refereed on Sunday with a teenager who stated loudly and clearly -- in front of the soccer players who happened to be 12-year old girls -- that he HATED refereeing girls' games.  I wanted to smack him.*

• Last week, I refereed a game with two other adults . . . one of whom just became a referee and did an awful job.  (But we all have to learn.)  But because the newest referee was a big, balding, imposing sort of man, the coaches and the other referee (a woman) deferred to him.  And.He.Had.No.Idea.What.He.Was.Doing.  I wanted to smack him.  And her, too.**
• Earlier today I handed back graded essays, and in each class there was ONE student who never turned in his/her work, and I didn't realize it until I recorded grades.  When I asked students what happened, I couldn't believe they told me the truth:  a social event was more important than completing a graded assignment (worth 20% of overall grade).  Both of them said this . . . different times, different classes, different social circles.  I wanted to smack them.  Both of them.***
• Chris wrote this earlier tonight on his blog, and I am so stealing it:  "SUCK IT UP! don't be a practice player! there's gonna be people in the stands when we turn that clock on. you're gonna have to play in front of them. get used to it!!!"   OK, the context is a bit wonky here (and he wasn't writing to ME personally), but go to his place and see what's up and you'll get it.  But again:  it's mine now.  (bwahahahahaha)   Really, though, this idea speaks volumes and I can't go into it now or even here, but thanks.  Suffice it to say:  I won't smack him.
• I should really go work out . . . I need to burn off (or something) this aggression . . . before I really smack someone.

*  No teenage referees were harmed in the blogging of this post.

** No adult referees were harmed in the blogging of this post (but they should have been)

*** No college students were harmed in the blogging of this post (but maybe they should be tomorrow)

Comments

[joanna]

Go exercise. With a punching bag. Your examples are smack-worthy but they'll only result in your being hauled off--before your dis. is finished!

[Derek]

I'm with Joanna; don't miss a workout if it's possible. I'm on hiatus from running for a few days with a head cold, and I can tell...not that I needed a reminder to take care of myself.

Anyway, I sympathize with the anxiety. Yesterday I returned to a piece in Academe that Collin wrote about some time ago called "How to Grade a Dissertation."

http://www.aaup.org/AAUP/pubsres/academe/2005/ND/Feat/lovi.htm

No, I know, nobody needs more reading while working on the diss, but I found it reassuring to glance it over. Remembering that many disses are "very good" or "acceptable" frees me from the feeling of being trapped with "outstanding" as the only option.

[Billie]

Thanks, Joanna and Derek. I did work out a little bit ago and I can *absolutely* tell a difference. At the moment, I'm a little tired for any kind of smackdown. ;-)

Derek, I checked out that site, and it's so useful for a perspective check. Thanks so much!

[chris]

THIEF!!

sometimes the bluntness in the (stolen) excerpt above can be soooo refreshing.

[Billie]

Hey, I didn't actually STEAL it . . . I gave you credit!!!! But you are right: the bluntness is refreshing. No bullshit. I love it.

At least I didn't smack you. ;-)